ANNOYED! A Vent About An Awful Co-Worker

OK, I got annoyed at work today and felt myself reaching for, well, anything to eat. Yikes. OK, so there’s this awful (and by awful I mean AWFUL) guy at work. I really think I might hate him. No, I’m sure I do, but as a child and adult I was conditioned by “don’t HATE anyone.” But he’s awful. He’s conceited, self-involved, narcissistic (yes, I know they’re all synonyms), a misogynist, judgmental, know-it-all, problem starter. He’s always finding other people’s mistakes, but doesn’t admit he makes them himself (my psych class would call this projecting). He turns people into HR, brags about himself, is loud, and goes on a fucking power trip every time his boss isn’t at work. In short: He makes me suicidal and homicidal at the same time.

He’s been on a “diet” for awhile. He’s a dude who counts Weight Watchers points. If he were a nice guy, I probably wouldn’t see the humor in this. But since he’s an absolute asshole, I’ll make fun of him. He talks about how many points are in foods. And acts like everyone should give up eating. He even refused cake on his birthday.In fact, he bitched that our department wouldn’t do anything but bring a cake so someone outside of the department brought him fruit. Jesus Christ on a cross. Kill me. No, kill him. OK, don’t kill him. But I want to bury a St. Joseph statue in his freaking cube so his cube sells and he gets a different job.

And here’s the kicker. His favorite food is jello. Sugar free at that. Jello isn’t even a freaking food! It’s gelatin. Made out of freaking animal bones!!!! There’s nothing healthy about it! Listen: You are not healthy. You’ve just lost weight. He talks about how hard he works out. He walks. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with walking. But he acts like he does these strenuous workouts. It’s not the fact that he’s lost weight and is working out. It’s how incessantly he brags about it.

And he’s bragged enough that now they’re giving him some dumb award. While meanwhile there are actually healthy people in the building. People who eat fruits and vegetables and lean protein. People who cook meals from scratch and try to get in as many healthy aspects as possible. People who have lost weight and kept it off for DECADES! Which, as we all know, is the real test. Anyone can lose weight, but keeping it off is the trick. People who have never gained weight, eat healthy and workout. Those are the people we should spotlight. Those are the ones we could really learn from.

But, nope. This is my work. Where we reward negative behavior (bragging, being loud, being obnoxious). Is it great he’s lost the weight? Sure. But is he the first and only one to do it? Nope. Get over yourself.

I’m prepared for an onslaught of negative comments. And it could be said that I’m jealous. Truly, with this guy, I’m not. I’m occasionally a little envious of those girls who can eat whatever they want and have a metabolism to burn it off. Or people who have more willpower than me when there are yummy foods around. Or people who make working out their number one priority, but do it quietly because it’s who they are. Not because they need praise for it. It’s the way he goes about it that makes me hate him.

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