I’m In The 180s!

OK, by 180s, I mean 189.8. But seeing that second number change is a HUGE reinforcer for me! And I’ve lost over 16 inches (since December). I’m down just under 10 pounds. But if you count the peaks and valleys in the past months (specifically during Christmas/New Year season, as well as weight gain as I start working out and eat like crazy), I’m actually down closer to 15 pounds. But, none of that matters, I suppose. What matters is I stay focused. My biggest issue has been sugar cravings in the afternoons.

I’ve come to believe desk jobs are NOT natural for the body. No sunlight all day. Recycled air. Sitting for 8+ hours. Slouching, straining our eyes, getting no activity. No wonder I’m fat. Well, and desk jobs, at least where I work, seems to promote eating all day long. Some departments have these food days almost every week. And they’re not bringing healthy food, I’ll tell you that! In fact, one particular department is the department I was in when I very first gained my weight. All of my life I was thin to average (very thin until I hit puberty, then average, but in a very healthy BMI range). Then I started working in that department. It was the first job that I was sitting all day. In a basement. With promotion of unhealthy eating.

And I gained, oh, about 60 pounds. Nice, huh? No, not really.

So I finally moved from that department. The job was depressing. People were angry all day (it was a phone job). I listened to them complain about other people in the company, their spouses, their financial issues. And at the end of all of it not only did I never want to get married, I wanted to stockpile money so I’d never be in their situation. It drastically changed the way I saw the world. And not in a good way. I became cynical and jaded. And seemed to eat ALL the time. Not that my job alone was to blame. I had also fairly recently before taking the job gone through a breakup that left me sad, filling my social time with lunches and dinners out. Was in college, taking a fairly heavy load, and working about 30 hours a week. Have other people done it without getting fat? Sure, but my school and work schedule left me eating through a drive through about four days a week for both lunch and dinner.

I had packed lunches for school, but at the time I had the money to waste on fast food, liked it (especially since we didn’t get it much as kids, so it felt like a treat everyday!), and it was a lot easier to run through than to plan meals. So, laziness got to me! And there I was. Fatter than I ever though I’d be.

You know how some people look at themselves in the mirror after losing weight and don’t see a skinny person? I think I had the reverse outlook. I never saw myself as fat. It was so weird. When I was thin, especially when I had a boyfriend who had far thinner girls hitting on him, I was very critical of myself. But when I was gaining this weight, I never noticed it. Even when I went from a size 10 to a size 18. Seriously, I don’t know how, but I never felt sad or shameful.

Then one day I saw the scale tip 200 pounds.

And sadly, that’s where I was again. After losing about 40 pounds and being back in size 10s. I have to give credit to weight training. I was able to be 20 pounds heavier than high school, but the same size. And this time around I was just over 200 pounds like before. But was in 14s, and just starting to have to buy 16s, rather than the 18s I was in before. So comparitively, I’m not as big. But still as heavy.

Now that I’m starting to lose the weight slowly, I can’t see it, yet. I can see the numbers going down on the measuring tape, though, so I’m glad I measured myself. And now slowly the scale’s moving.

If only I can get over these afternoon sugar cravings! More to come on that soon!


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