Self-Confidence

Last night I was sitting with two friends and then a friend of one of those two friends. The friend of the friend is a nice girl, but I can tell she has low self-esteem. So what I say might come across as harsh. But I’m so sick of women hating on other women. Let’s love each other, ladies! We could be each other’s support system, much like guys have bro code, even with guys they don’t know.

So the way the story goes is my friend (girl 1) and her friend (girl 2) were at some event somewhere. Girl 2 also had a friend at this event (Mean Girl). And Mean Girl called my friend, Girl 1, a whore. OK, first, I know it’s “normal” for girls to call each other whores. I’m not sure why it is. I think at first it was one of those things like calling a girl a “bitch.” Almost like you’re mocking someone for what a rude person said, and then it turned into a joke, and then everyone’s calling everyone flagrant names. Someone calling me a bitch doesn’t bother me. Because, well, I can be a bitch (just wait, you’ll see it). But if someone calls me a whore (or slut, or anything involving sex) it offends me. And let’s be clear, girls are often labeled whores because they’re beautiful. Or because a guy likes her better than the name slinger. Or maybe really because she does sleep around. The really crappy part is the sexist stance these take. Girls are quick to call each other sluts. Not so quick to label a guy that way. I’ve even tried calling some of my guy friends “sluts” to level the playing field. I get blank stares.

And also, don’t get me wrong. I have NO problem with a girl or guy who exercises their sexual freedom as long as they aren’t bringing children they don’t want into the world. I don’t even care if they get STDs. It’s their body. And I know plenty of people have them. And plenty of those people got them from what they assumed were monogamous relationships. Or even from the first or second person they were with. Hey, we live, we learn. Then we use condoms without fail.

But again, off subject.

So, turns out Mean Girl calls my friend, Girl 1, a whore. And I can tell she was offended by this. And her friend, Girl 2, says, “Well, we were whores that night. We did both sleep with someone.” And my friend says, “That’s true.” And I said, “GIRL ONE! That doesn’t make you a whore! Usually one girl calls another girl a whore because she’s insecure and sees the other girl as a threat, is upset the other girl is getting attention, or sees her as prettier. Take it as a compliment. Don’t let someone with low self esteem bring yours down.”

So Girl 2 says, “This is one of my best friends.” And I said, “Well Girl 1 is one of MY best friends. She’s NOT a whore. And she doesn’t deserve to be brought down like that.” She replies, “But Girl 2 is still my friend so don’t say she isn’t pretty or has low self esteem.” And I said, “She DOESN’T have high self-esteem if she’s calling someone else a whore.” And she says, “She’s my friend. So I have to defend her actions.” And I said, “Well, isn’t Girl 1 your friend?” “Um, yes.” “So why not defend HER?” Angry glare. Then, “I think she was joking.”

Whatever.

But I don’t get it. Why do we degrade each other? It’s hard enough being judged by society’s very narrow, unrealistc standards of beauty. Why do girls bring each other down? Why do we compete and hate pretty girls. I have had friends say, “I hate being friends with pretty girls. They make me look less pretty.” Um. OK, great. So I’m disgusting and that’s why you’re my friend? Why not be friends with anyone who’s a good friend? Why do we hate pretty people? “She’s so pretty, I hate her.” Why!?!? Why don’t we appreciate the gifts she’s been given. If she’s a nice person, why do we hate based on appearance. And judge based on it. And compare and compete based on it? Why don’t we have a united front? Stop putting guys above our friends. And love one another?

Hey, I’m just sayin’.

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