“Shake Them Haters Off”

I know I’ve already written one post about fat on fat hate, but I feel like I need to vent again. I follow several people on Facebook (and other sites) where they try to debunk myths or post positive reinforcement for their followers (or maybe for themselves). And all I see are haters posting negativity, hate and virtual crap. It’s annoying, really. I will say, for the most part, I live my life without worrying what others think. There are plenty of people who don’t like me. And it honestly doesn’t bother me they don’t. You can’t win ’em all and I have a great group of people who do care about me, and I feel like those relationships are genuine and not based on anything other than who we are as people. Those are the relationships I want in my life. And I don’t care about people who don’t like me for how I look, for stating my opinions, or for no particular reason at all.

And I generally don’t care what idiots think or say.

But I have to say, reading person after person after person’s vitrol impacts my self-esteem. Even when I tell myself it shouldn’t. I think the problem is we (overweight people) feel like we deserve to be talked down to. And I know that’s not true. And when I stand on the outside watching it happen to someone else, I can stand up for the other people. But I let it affect ME. I am sure my weight has qualified as “morbidly obese” but I’ve probably never been more than about 40 pounds overweight. Would I be a perfect size two if I had lost those 40 pounds? No, but I was in a good size of clothing (size 10 – which for my body type is a good size), was active, carried very little excess body fat (by that I don’t mean body fat percentage, I mean visible excess fat (such as rolls or a layer covering my muscles) on my body), and was very healthy. And I logically know 40 pounds isn’t 400 pounds, and there are people who need to lose 400 pounds, or anything in between 40 and 400 and that’s a much bigger mountain to overcome. And somehow, I find myself defending those people who have much more to lose. Reminding people that being overweight or obese or whatever word you want to use doesn’t make those people any less capable of doing a good job at work, loving someone, or being a fantastic, interesting, talented person.

But somehow, society’s made it OK to say otherwise. Somehow society’s said overweight people shouldn’t have leadership jobs, are an acceptable butt of a joke, or couldn’t be talented because they obviously have no self-control or motivation.

It makes me sick just to type it.

We are adults. And many of these adults are talking about how children are bullies and bullying needs to stop. Well, I say bullying of adults needs to stop, too. And the self-hate these bullies hold needs to be resolved. What makes them be so offended by someone who’s overweight to think it’s OK to treat them terribly? Did someone call them fat as a child? Does their own self-worth hinge on looks, and degrading someone else somehow make them feel better about themselves? Did they get dumped by a girlfriend who later chose a better looking guy? Did their parents neglect or abuse them? We need to stop the cyle of abuse leading to abuse. It’s like because someone mistreated us, it’s OK to pass the mistreat onto someone else.

And the general acceptance of hate doesn’t start and end with weight or other outward appearances or things that a person IS.

I’m trying to form a good generic comeback line for these people. Something like, “I’m sorry someone has hurt you so bad you feel the need to hurt someone else in return.”

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Reconstituted Housewife
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 12:59:14

    I share your disgust of the attitude that fat is just SOO okay to make fun of, but everything else seems to be off limits. But my favorite are those people who are in denial and claim fat people bring it on themselves. That they act a certain way, and people respond to them that way.

    For a very brief time, I was in decent shape. Not at my goal, but working out, stronger than I’d ever been, and maybe 15 lbs away. I wasn’t acting any different b/c I didn’t know any different, as I have been fat almost my whole life. But I started realizing things were different when on more than one occasion, a guy tried to blatantly hit on me (bookstore, one followed one through an intersection and tried to ask me out right there, etc). I didn’t even realize what exactly was going on for the first two minutes or until they got to the direct asking out. The reaction and treatment is a total 180.

    Reply

  2. Trackback: Extreme Weightloss NOT A Safe Reality « Stumbling Toward Health

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