MIA – Working On Being Around More!

I have been MIA from this blog. I apologize. I’ve been busy, and I’ve been making progress on lifting. I haven’t, however, been making progress on weight loss. I don’t want to say weight loss is MORE important than getting strong and being active, but it is a goal. A goal I’m missing because of my eating. I’m actually in the process of searching for a counselor to specifically address my food issues. I definitely have more issues than food, but food seems to be the biggest one, and the most go-to way I deal with emotions such as frustration, anger, hurt and stress. So, I’m working on that. If anyone has experience going to a counselor for food-related issues and can offer advice or feedback, I’m open to it!

In other news, I need to update my measurements. I’m not sure if I’ve improved or not. I’ve definitely gotten stronger since I checked in last. I actually made a chart of my lifting progress, which is really inspiring!

Other than that, just dealing with day-to-day life. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed by social demands this summer. I feel like there’s so much more stuff to do than I want to do or than my introverted personality can handle. I get exhausted by spending too much time around groups of people, especially large groups. And especially overwhelming, controlling or demanding personalities. So I’ve started to isolate myself a little to give me some time to heal and recover. It definitely has been irritating some of my friends I’ve been avoiding, but I have to take care of me. Getting to this worn down state also makes me over-eat or eat unhealthy food. Partially the issue is when I get so exhausted, I don’t have the energy to cook. But also as I get overwhelmed by social stuff, I avoid shopping because I don’t have the patience for other customers or even the social graces needed to simply shop. It sounds silly, but it’s true. So with no groceries, I hit the lesser-impacting drive throughs where you don’t even have to make eye contact, let alone friendly conversation. I know that sounds like an excuse. But I really do enjoy cooking. I just don’t enjoy shopping. Wait, let me clarify. I actually enjoy shopping, if the store is mostly-empty. I don’t know if this is normal behavior across the country, but people are VERY rude in grocery stores here, and the whole process is ruined. So, I don’t enjoy shopping because of these things. I also avoid other non-grocery shopping as well. Also becasue of the people.

Anyway, here’s my short-term plan to deal with emotional eating:

  1. I have a book SOMEWHERE that I bought specifically for emotional eating. Find. Read. Complete activities (it’s a workbook).
  2. Record food, emotions involved while eating food, and activities each day. This way I can start to correlate my over-eating with certain events. Right now I suspect over-committing to social activities is a huge trigger I haven’t paid much attention to until recently. I’m giving myself two options for recording – here, or written on paper.
  3. LEARN. TO. SAY. NO!! I find myself feeling guilty or feeling like my friends will stop being my friends if I miss or say no to something. If they’re really my friends, our friendship shouldn’t be contingent on going to their birthday celebration or going out for drinks al the time. (Sadly, I have friends I know this isn’t the case for. But the argument can be made these people are too selfish to be good friends, anyway.)
  4. Get better at sleep. My sleep schedule (and cortisol, I suspect) are way jacked up. Must make sleep and recovery a higher priority.
  5. Let perfection go. If I want to eat something “bad,” then I need to eat it and stop having such an emotional response to it. The self-hate talk isn’t doing anyone any good! And it’s OK to want pizza occasionaly, or to have a candy bar when I’m on my period, or to want ice cream in the summertime.

Mostly, I want to be healthy. And “healthy” isn’t crazy-obsessed and guilt-ridden. Rather, it’s a balance of mostly healthy foods that fuel my body and make it run well, along with some indulgences. Similar to saving for retirement. I save as much as I can (like eating healthy as much as I can) but still spend money on a cute pair of shoes, the entire 90210, Friends and Dawson’s Creek series on DVD, and go on vacation. I feel like I’m setting myself up for a healthy retirement. So now I have to take the same approach with food, so I’ll still be around when retirement gets here!

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