Emotions Of Weight Loss Attempts

Weight loss is emotional. No, scratch that, attempting and struggling with weight loss is emotional. I hate every minute of feeling like a failure. I hate comparing myself to others even when I know I shouldn’t. I hate not knowing the right way. But you know what I hate the most? The dismissiveness of everyone around me when I’m struggling. They tell me to simply eat less. Eat less? Why would I be eating more than I need to? Why? I want to lose weight, and your advice is to eat less. Thanks. Super helpful. 

I hate trying to lose weight because I suck so much at it. Fifteen years ago, weight loss was super easy. I just watched what I ate, but I never starved, and it worked out a few days a week. Being in my twenties was fantastic. 

Now, I struggle with overwhelming fatigue if I workout. I’m hungry when I try to cut back on food. And the weight doesn’t come off. Compound that with a very predatory industry, and the condescension of people who lose easily? This is why I decide being fat ain’t all bad. 

I’m emotional right now. But not quitting. I’m exhausted with people suggesting I starve, because I won’t. I’ve been through this enough times to know that’s not sustainable. I’m annoyed with it not coming easy like it does for the assholes who judge, because they will truly never know. They can eat their candy and vending machine food and boxed pasta dishes and keep thinking I’m lazy. I know I’m not. Somehow that’s not enough. But it’s all I have. 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jennewby71
    Jan 25, 2017 @ 22:24:12

    hang in there. Your experiences are a mirror image of mine. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. I’ve been on every fad diet you can imagine. I’ve bought every diet exercise program imaginable. I struggle the whole time and try so hard and then 3-4 weeks in give up bc I only lost 1 lb if that. All the while, I’m sore, way more active than before, starving all the time, and miserable…for that 1 f’in pound. So I quit. I’ve had numerous blood tests done thinking it’s got to be SOMETHING medically as to why I can’t lose the weight no matter what I do. results from tests….absolutely nothing wrong. So frustrating. I feel like I have LITERALLY been fighting my weight, wanting to lose weight, on some sort of diet, something, anything, for the past 15 years. Me being overweight is on my mind, no joke, at least 8-10 hours of every single day. But do I watch what i eat? Nope. I try to exercise everyday and average 4-5 days a week on a good week, overall probably average 3-4 times a week over the long haul. But I’m always hungry. so I eat. I eat too much. I hate counting calories and honestly, the bottom line really is calories in vs. calories out. Every single diet (no carb, low carb, paleo, “clean eating”, anything) boils down to consuming less calories. You follow any one of those plans, inevitably, you end up consuming less calories than you were before following one of those plans. So people lose weight. So which one is one you can realistically stick to for the long run? I don’t know. that’s an individual choice on what you prefer. I have yet to find ANY plan I can stick to. So what I know i need to do is log everything I eat in MyFitnessPal so I have a record of my calories and stay at or under my allowed amount. I can’t do it. Ever. I almost always consume more. Or I don’t log every single bit. Or I don’t weigh and measure every single thing. I log a potato but did I weigh it? nope. And when I do, I realize in the past I logged that one potato at 100g when really it was 300g. No wonder I wasn’t losing. (Just an example). I know for me I can’t be restrictive, because I’ll never stick to it. I need to get portions under control and really log my food to lose. So even as much as I hate my weight and I’m utterly miserable being overweight, do I do it? nope. It’s so freaking hard. Like, super super hard. I’ve never faced anything as hard as this. I wish I had the answers. I wish there was an easier way than 15 years of trying and failing. I hate it. I’m a Navy wife and it sucks so bad being the BIGGEST wife in the group of 15-20 women. It sucks having a formal ball every year and I can’t even go and shop at a department store for a ball gown. I have to order 10+ dresses online and maybe 1 looks ok. And I don’t mean looks great! Plus size gals don’t look the hottest in strapless, backless or whatever type of formal gowns. Pair that with all your really good friends being a size 2 to a size 6. It’s embarrassing. The only thing I suppose I can be thankful for is that in the past 10 years I’ve only gained 15 lbs. And that’s after having my 2nd child 9 years ago. I guess it could be a lot more. Maybe that is still a lot in 10 years but i know it could be worse. Especially now that I’m 45 years old. So basically I just want you to know, I feel your pain. Exactly.

    Reply

    • stumbletowardhealth
      Jan 26, 2017 @ 17:28:50

      Omg. Huge, huge, huge hugs! I feel you. Your dress story is also my bra story at a wedding this last fall. I ordered probably fifteen to find ONE that would fit right enough to wear under a bridesmaid dress that also fit, but I hated how I looked. I wanted to cry.

      I also struggle with logging because what’s the point. Working out is the one thing I enjoyed doing, and even that has made me miserable the last several years.

      After I posted this, I hit the reset button, and did some evaluation. This is my first time doing keto (20g or less net carbs per day) without tacking on a ton of exercise. And what are the positive changes?

      1. My anxiety level is way down. Work is in terrible flux right now and it’s freaking people out I’m not panicking. But somehow my brain knows that won’t help, and it’s responding as such.

      2. I don’t have crazy energy, but I’m keeping up with housework better. So more energy for that to happen. And because I’m less anxious, it never feels overwhelming.

      3. I AM eating better. I have gone to several restaurants over the past almost four weeks, and since the first three days passed, I’m not even tempted by carbs. It’s very strange. I feel more in control of my eating. And like I’m not over-eating. I’m fairly well past stuffing myself miserable. But I’d still eat and be aware I’d eaten a LOT but still felt hungry an hour later.

      4. My cravings are GONE. I find I want something sweet most days, but there are plenty of ways to curb that. I think pizza sounds good, but it’s not a weekly thing anymore. I sat next to someone eating chips and queso yesterday, didn’t even flinch.

      So, what’s the problem? I’m not losing fast enough (or maybe at all). And people are telling me to eat less.

      My three choices are:

      1. Go back to my old way and gain about 5lbs a year as I have been.
      2. Starve myself to lose then regain, as you always do when starving.
      3. Keep doing this, at the very least stop gaining, probably have healthier bloodwork, and maybe eventually or very slowly lose.

      Because of that, I decided to stay the course, stop taking advice from other serial dieters, stop weighing and measuring so often, make it about how I feel and how healthy I am rather than weight, and enjoy feeling better.

      Not a perfect solution. But I also watched a Gary Taubes video about carbs and calories, and the video made me think there’s more to it. He said really low carb people can eat more, up to 500 calories a day than higher carb dieters and lose. They think it has to do with getting insulin under control. He said it doesn’t happen immediately, but stick to it, and it will. And then your body will naturally release fat. So…. I need to keep waiting. Which is hard when others don’t have to. But if I’m waiting, may as well do it productively. And with a purpose.

      That said, I’m not convinced this is the answer for me. And if it is, it’s not the only answer. But I have had lots of stops and starts and stops again. I always restart. And I want this restart to be different. But if it’s not, it’s not. And if it is, it’ll be worth waiting for.

      Again, big hugs! I so feel your pain! You’re beautiful even as the biggest one of your friends. And you’re obviously a kind, compassionate, empathetic person. Not everyone can say that! I’ll try to keep notes so others can learn from me, and maybe do a better version of a different approach. But, again, for now, I need to stay the course. And I will NOT starve myself! :)

      Reply

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