Food – My Former Frenemy

We’ve all heard of frenemies, right? Enemies who are your friends. Friends who are your enemies.

That’s how I used to feel about food. I still do sometimes.

About two and a half years ago my face started breaking out. These were new breakouts, worse than I’d ever had. Suddenly coming on. And more than ever. I won’t go into the specifics, but after some googling, I decided they might be some type of allergy. I realized they were coming from eggs. So I cut out eggs.

Problem solved for almost a year, then peppers started doing the same thing. I cut out peppers. Problem solved for a few months. Then something else started causing problems.

At this point, my brain shifted. Every food out there was a possible enemy. Not unlike spiders because you know one can be poisonous, you think they all have the potential because you’re not sure which one is the problem. That’s how I felt about food. Every food I ate, I was skeptical of. Was one food a problem? A group of foods? What was my body telling me? USE YOUR WORDS, BODY!

Instead, I feel off the cliff into orthorexia, an eating disorder a lot of people mock. But trust me, when you fall into that group, it’s a real thing. You’re controlled by it. You start to shape this diet of “safe foods” and if you fall off the wagon, you shame yourself. You can’t eat out anywhere. Or even a home-cooked meal because what if someone used x food? It will throw off your attempt to create harmony in your body.

I didn’t live in a crazy cycle for too long, but it was long enough. I kept eliminating more and more foods and food groups, my face didn’t improve. I was lost and frustrated and felt like a failure. I CAN CONTROL THIS! I CAN FIX ME! STOP ASKING ME TO GO TO DINNER! STOP INVITING ME TO EAT AT YOUR HOUSE! More

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