Health and Happiness

I’ve recently gone back to work after having the luxury of working from home for the past six or so months. I got a three month extension because of my autoimmune flare. And even prior to that extension, was committed to making the most of this “weird” time.

I’m unique in that I’m single, no kids, live alone. So I had full control over how I approached this pandemic. I decided early on, even before the US took it seriously, while it was still just in Italy (that we knew of) that I was committed to doing my part to take care of our health care workers. So as soon as I read about “flatten the curve” I was in, and I saw the extra time at home and cleared social calendar as an opportunity, not a loss.

Even before the virus was here, they were drawing parallels between overweight people and severity of disease. I was obese. And something in me clicked. I only get one life, one health. And while, yes, you can get healthier, some health complications are permanent. Including heart and lung damage. I very quickly said, “I am going to eat at home, and make healthier choices.” Simply not eating out was a huge improvement for me. And after a few months, I started to make healthier choices across the board. I committed to avoiding convenience foods, though I still made some cookies and had a homemade pizza once a week.

Once my autoimmune disorder flared, which I think was either hormonal or stress, though I won’t rule out food, I knew it was time to take that final step. To adjust my diet to the way I knew I’d always wanted it to be.

One time someone said, imagine your ideal life. And mine has always been a minimalist, smaller house, a backyard that’s small but private, and I eat healthy and am active. I don’t need a lot, but I’ve always WANTED to be healthier. I just let, well, EVERYTHING get in the way of that. Everything. Everyone. All the stuff came before me. I thought I was being some sort of martyr. In truth, I was sacrificing myself for people who didn’t really care.

And, truthfully, I think the months leading to the flare set me up perfectly to adapt post-flare. I transitioned almost seamlessly to an AIP diet. Which is a temporary elimination diet. But one I’d never done before successfully because it’s a big leap. But the leap was much smaller after spending three months cooking every meal, planning meals and grocery pickups, and eliminating both eating out and convenience foods. The last step was to take out gluten, dairy, all nightshades, nuts/seeds and other grains. It sounds like a lot, but there was so much left that was already a staple in my diet. Fish, poultry, pork, veggies, fruits. I enjoyed these things. Over time, I started to make soups, stir fries and hashes to prep for going back to work. But the interim was really key for me. I was able to eat a piece of fish or pork and fresh roasted veggies for lunch. It was such a blessing.

Now that I’m back at work, lunch is more ho hum and dinners feel a bit more rushed. But I’m getting by. And each day, food is less of a reward and more of an opportunity to nourish my body and give myself energy. At work, when a take out meal is offered, I think of the veggies I’d be giving up or the short-term satisfaction of a “yummy” meal with potential long term issues with flares. A flare lasts a lot longer than a meal. I feel like my brain has shifted.

I hope it stays this way.

That brings me to my parallel to health and happiness. I don’t consider myself even fully healed and in remission, yet. And I’m three months post-flare. But that’s ok. I feel this calm, this patience. Knowing all I have is time. Time to heal from the flare, and also heal my body overal, and my mind from emotional eating.

The one worry I have is how do I fit in socially after this? My lifestyle, my social life, was built around food and alcohol. How do I keep those friendships going? Luckily, I still have some time. I’ve found people,are interested in what I’m doing. Maybe my friends will see the change and support my adjustments. Maybe once I’m in remission I’ll feel ok having one or two drinks. Or maybe I’ll find a place that serves neat non alcoholic drinks like kombucha, which I used to hate and now love. Or even simply a non alcoholic ginger beer. I have been drinking diet soda as a treat, so that’s always an option along with, of course, iced tea.

As for meals, I’m hoping to have reintroduced more seasonings by the time I eat out again. Most restaurants have simple proteins and veggies or even I’m guessing sweet potato fries or rice pilaf would be fine. If I can reintroduce some other grains like quinoa. Or even at some point test potatoes and tomatoes, that opens tons f doors. I think peppers are an issue. And eggs, but eggs are a normal allergen.

All I know is I feel good. I feel like this is what my body wants. I am hopeful I’ll continue to heal and go back into remission. And now I prioritize stress relief through managing stress and facing emotions rather than burning it off with body stressing cardio. Rather than running away from the emotions, I lay on my floor and mediate to confront them. Even that has put me in a more centered space.i am far less triggered at work, and more calm in all of my decisions.

Health and happiness go hand in hand. And I am as close as I’ve ever been to my ideal life. Which is far more than being skinny!

Recipe: Creamy Chicken and Broccoli (Dairy-Free, Gluten-Free, AIP+Rice)

This recipe is super vegetable-heavy without feeling like it’s full of vegetables. It uses the concept of zucchini cheese for creaminess, and adds chicken, broccoli and spinach, with the spinach giving a nice pop of green to the sauce.

Rice: I add about 1/2-2/3 cup of spinach rice (pre-cooked volume) because I feel better when I eat some carbs at every meal, and I’ve reintroduced rice.

This should be a simple re-warm for lunches and dinners. It’s not QUITE chicken, broccoli and rice casserole. I won’t lie to you about that, but that’s OK with me. I’m not trying to hang onto all of my old habits. But it’s a nice, comforting meal that doesn’t feel heavy while you’re eating it. The textures are really nice, though. The broccoli remains a little crisp, the rice adds some cheese, the zucchini sauce makes it creamy, and some protein from the chicken.

Recipe:

• 1.25 lb ground chicken (I did 85% lean)
• 1 bag broccoli slaw (16 oz)
• 1 onion, diced
• 1 cup water
• Seasonings (salt, garlic, rosemary, thyme, sage)
• 1 recipe zucchini cheese sauce (see below)
• 2/3 c dried white rice, cooked with chopped zucchini (optional)

Zucchini cheese sauce

• 2 zucchini, peeled and sliced
• 1/4 head of cauliflower, chopped
• 3/4 c water
• 1/4 c ghee
• 2 tsp gelatin powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp garlic
• 4 c spinach (optional)

Cook the chicken in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add onion after mostly cooked. Season to taste. Add 1 cup of water and cook to deglaze. Turn to low.

To make the cheese sauce: steam zucchini and cauliflower until soft. Add to blender with all other ingredients. The spinach adds nutrients and a nice green color to the sauce, but otherwise is optional. It sound be a somewhat thick consistency.

While the vegetables are steaming, make your rice according to package. I always rinse my rice. I add the spinach to the top of the rice without stirring with about 4 minutes left. Fluff rice and mix in zucchini when done. If you want to use one pan for steaming veggies and the rice, wait to do this until after steaming.

Add the broccoli slaw to the meat, and mix together. Stir in the zucchini cheese sauce, and flavor to taste. Add the rice, if you’re using.

Pork Neck Bones and Cabbage Soup [AIP, Paleo]

This soup is so simple, and I think that’s why it’s so delicious. I buy neck bones because they have bones and meat, which make a decent broth. Not super gelled, but definitely getting some great nutrients. You could use any kind of pork (shoulder, for example, but you’ll probably want less weight, or you have a super-meaty soup).

Ingredients

Broth

3-4 lbs pork neck bones

1 large onion, cut in quarters

1 carrot, cut in half

3-4 stalks celery, cut in half (I love celery, feel free to reduce)

3-5 cloves of garlic, smashed

8 cups of water (enough to cover everything)

Soup

Broth from above

Pulled pork from above

10 oz cabbage (I love the package of angel hair slaw, super easy)

1 onion, diced

2 stalks of celery, chopped

1-2 Tbsp gelatin (optional)

Seasonings*

Garnishes/add ins: I personally like avocado on top. I also reintroduced white rice, so I love adding that to this soup. If not, roasted cauliflower is also a great varied texture.

Directions

Broth

I make this in my Instant Pot. I first brown the neck bones in olive oil with some seasonings. Then I add the rest of the vegetables and fill to cover with water. Then pressure cook for 35-40 minutes. I usually let it naturally release for 10-20 minutes, but if you’re in a hurry, you can release immediately.

Strain the broth. And I put the meat and bones in a roasting pan to pull the meat and shred.

Soup

I start the veggies in the broth as I pull the pork from the broth. I add the onions and celery first and let them get soft, and add the cabbage a few minutes before adding the pork. If you add gelatin, I put the gelatin in cold water for a few minutes, then stir in hot broth. If the gelatin doesn’t melt, I pop it in the micro. Then stir into the soup. This comes together super fast!

Notes

*Seasonings is intentionally generic. It can be salt, garlic, etc., but whatever you like in a soup. I love celery salt, but that’s not AIP, I don’t believe, so I’ve left it out of this soup until I reintroduce it. You could also use a broth base/bullion, if they make those AIP compliant. I often add salt, garlic, and rosemary and/or thyme. The last two are two of my favorite comforting spices. I also generally add some turmeric to my soups. I like the flavor even if turmeric allegedly doesn’t do much without pepper, which I also haven’t reintroduced, yet. But when I do, I’ll add it to this soup. Just follow your little heart and whatever seasonings you have available to you – both in your kitchen and that your body allows! Even with just garlic, salt, rosemary and thyme, this soup is super flavorful and comforting.

The seasoning on the avocado is a Celtic sea salt seaweed seasoning.

Make AIP Easier

These tips probably could go for any way you eat, but if you’re just starting something like AIP where you have to do a lot of work we often rely on convenience foods for, that can be the tipping point for people trying it. Here are my tips

Pick some favorites. I know as time goes on, you’ll find new favorites, but to start, just look at what is available, and make a list of things you really love. For me, that’s things like pork tenderloin, chicken breasts, avocados, cauliflower, strawberries, sweet potatoes. And start eating those foods. The two weeks I was AIP, I ate pork tenderloin and salmon every single day (one for lunch, one for dinner). I ate the salmon because it was anti inflammatory, is on the list of fish you can eat often, and it’s easy to make. I cooked my pork tenderloin sous vide, a few at a time, then just tossed them back in for 15 minutes before I wanted to eat. Now? I crave salmon. And I’ve expanded my favorites, though I still buy cauliflower, avocados and sweet potatoes almost every week.

Do some prep. I don’t mean full on meal prep, though you can certainly do that, too. I’m not a huge fan of all microwaved food, so I’ll do some meal prep for lunches, but I like fresh made dinners. The prep I’m talking about is pre-cutting veggies. This is such a dishes and time saver. I cut up cauliflower, broccoli and sweet potatoes on weekends, and dinner is a breeze. If I’m making salad, I make that on Sunday and use my spinner to get it really dry, then add some to my plate with dinners. I also meal prep things like soups, hashes, stir fries, etc. They’re convenient for a quick meal.

Stop trying to be perfect. OK, part of AIP is being careful, but try not to get obsessed. Find things that work for you and do those things. I often find myself trying to do better. But, really, if it’s working, it’s ok if I’m eating three pieces of fruit a day (leftover keto ptsd). I am only doing AIP. I’m not keto. Not even low carb if I feel good. That’s all I am doing. AIP.

Stop being so complicated. This is one of my frustrations with all diets. We try to over-complicate them when, really, often we love the simplest meals the best. I fall in this trap even when not watching what I eat. I don’t want to buy sixteen kinds of flour, then try to make replacement baked goods every week. It’s fine if that’s what you want to do. But I’m here to tell you a diet of fruits, veggies, meat, protein, poultry and fish is VERY varied. And it doesn’t have to be complicated. I ended up really wanting some granola so I bought some tiger nut flakes and one kind of flour. Now the bag of flour just sits. I’m sure I’ll use it again, but I don’t need cookies. I can have a piece of dark chocolate. I don’t need pancakes, I can make a hash. Again, it’s ok if you do these things, but you don’t have to. If you pick up an AIP cookbook, they will be loaded with these recipes because pan cooked salmon and roasted veggies wont sell a cookbook. Trust me, add these in as treats, but your diet will have tons of variety without them, and, for me, is much simpler.

Be patient. This is the hardest part of AIP. I notice improvements pretty quickly, but remission can take weeks or months, depending on where you are in severity of a flare, and whether other things are impacting. For example, stress and hormones can be a trigger. If I keep diet and stress in check, hormones are usually less of an issue. But AIP is prescribed as 90 days pretty strict because it takes time for your body to heal up and get through the inflammation. If you keep re-flaring, it’s possible an AIP food is an issue. Try removing anything new or maybe you suspect. Because stress can be a common trigger or co-trigger, also be patient with exercise and over-extending yourself. I try to see myself as “getting over a flu” and take it easier on exercise, prioritize rest and sleep, and don’t feel bad skipping social stuff.

Beware of nightshades. Of all the autoimmune blogs I read, such a high percentage of people find, ultimately, nightshades are their issue. Often just one or maybe two. I see potatoes a lot. For me, peppers are an issue. And nightshades are in so much stuff. Tomatoes, paprika, potato starch. If you want to start easier, my suggestion is to be super diligent with nightshades and see what happens.

Try something new. This can be the fruits or veggies at the store you never buy. Or a new way to rest and recover. I have tried a ton of new things through this flare, and have restarted things I’d let go. Here are just a few:

• I started restorative yoga again. I’d bought equipment for it years back but never got into it. Now I can’t imagine an evening without it and look forward to it!
• I walk every single day. I’d been doing this for mental health through the pandemic, but started to think I needed more and harder exercise. Now I look forward to decompressing with a walk, and plan to add in occasional shorter more intense workouts, but always keep my walk in.
• I discovered I like roasted beets, and made roasted, stuffed acorn squash for the first time in my life. I tried pacific whiting fish, and discovered I love it and crispy fish skin. I absolutely crave roasted (get it nice and brown) cauliflower, and avocados.
• I feel a little like my flare, which killed my appetite, and then the antibiotic extended that another week, was kind of like a detox for me. But as I started to eat again, I prioritized nutrients bevause I wasn’t hungry, and when my appetite came back, I was committed to AIP, so it made the transition easy. I’m not recommending you not eat for nearly two weeks. But if you can get through a few weeks, it gets so much easier. I don’t even drink caffeine anymore. I have yet to miss cheese, except for when I see a slice of pizza, but I haven’t even really wanted to make a pizza (which I had been doing weekly on Fridays since the stay home orders started). I even cut out diet soda, which I loved before, and don’t think is a flare issue for me, but I do think it was affecting my taste buds. When I drink diet soda for a few days, I start to want…. something. I’m not sure. It’s not like a craving, just more I’m not satisfied. And when I stop? Food tastes so good. I still love diet soda and splurge on one, even with caffeine, occasionally. But I used to drink 1-3 per day. Now I drink 1-3 per month. I imagine once I’m comfortable going our for drinks or dinner again, I’ll use a diet soda as my splurge, as I’ve also basically given up alcohol. For no reason other than I wasn’t socializing. But I don’t miss it, and right now don’t want to disrupt my healing.
• I also meditate about five times a week. Sometimes more. Some days I just can’t stomach it, and that’s ok. Restorative yoga is like a meditation, and sometimes a little is enough!
• I track my sleep and heart rate. No reason other than I wanted to. But I find these metrics interesting and very reassuring of my progress, health-wise. I also track my weight, but this isn’t about being thin,it’s about being well.
• I prioritize me. I, sadly, didn’t before. It was easier to say yes. Now I say no. And I’m healthier for it.

I’m not saying these things are things you should do. Rather, they’re things my changes in lifestyle have brought out, that I enjoy. I also enjoy baths,but liked them before. I also find comfort in watching certain tv shows or movies. If I feel like I need some comfort, I might throw on a movie that makes me feel love. Or if I’m frustrated, a comedy. Both rather than eating.

However you start, it isn’t easy, but it also isn’t overwhelmingly hard. Be kind to yourself, and make progress. Good luck!

Simple, Versatile Stir Fry

I made this yesterday and didn’t want to lose the recipe because it was so simple and satisfying.

Ingredients

• 1 lb ground beef
• 1/6th head of lettuce, thinly sliced
• 1 medium onion, thinly sliced
• 2 stalks celery, thinly sliced
• 12 oz broccoli slaw
• Oil or fat (I used bacon grease)
• Seasonings (garlic powder, salt, ginger)
• Prepared rice with steamed broccoli (to serve over, leave out for strict AIP if not reintroduced)
• Garnish: green onions and “soy sauce”

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Warm your pan for 3-4 minutes, then add fat. Add ground beef and start to brown. Season with seasonings. When cooked through, move to a baking sheet.

Cook cabbage in fat, seasoned, until soft. Move to same baking sheet as ground beef.

Cook onions and celery in fat, seasoned, until they start to soften. Move to same baking sheet.

Put baking sheet in the oven.

While the meat and veggies roast in the oven, cook the broccoli slaw on the store top, in fat, seasoning as you cook.

When the cabbage and onions start to brown up, stir everything together in the pan. Serve over rice (or whatever you prefer). I like to make rice with steamed broccoli in it, so I served over that.

I topped with green onions as a garnish, and drizzled some of this “soy sauce” over top.

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That’s it! Super simple! That’s how my cooking is now. Very simple, and super delicious to reheat for lunches.

SUBSTITUTIONS

You could really use any stir fry veggies you like. I liked using the slaw because it’s prepared and had broccoli, carrots and cabbage cut up small already. I can never get broccoli cut so efficiently. You could also use any ground meat for a super simple meal, or use some sort of cubed meat as well, or even tofu. The seasonings are SUPER simple because I’m still on AIP (plus rice). That’s why I used the alternative soy sauce. I don’t love coconut aminos as a soy sauce replacement, and sometimes you want a better option!

Hiring a Coach: My Worst Decision

Disclaimer: I know this is just my story. I have heard so many great stories about people who have hired coaches. Before I hired mine, I asked around and heard just as many not as loudly told stories to the contrary. But I wanted to believe it could be true, it would help. And maybe I just got a bad match in a great company. What I think is I got sold that a company I formerly trusted would have something different. It was just a sales job. And here’s the kicker. I lost so much ground, got hurt, lost all momentum, and GAINED weight. Yes, the weight I worked so hard to lose soooo slowly. All of it is back now. Plus some. It brings tears to my eyes.

This is my story.

So, I’d tried it all. Calorie counting, low car, keto, paleo, primal, autoimmune protocol, fasting. It’s been a terrible roller coaster where I lose some, gain more back. And now I’m at a point that even with extreme fad diets like keto and fasting, I barely lose, and I plateau quickly, then start gaining. Go off, gain more back.

So I’d quit fad diets. Beginning of last year that was my resolution. No more diets, start walking. And I did. And then I got dumb. About May I saw the ad. I was at a point I thought, I’d like to add something else in. But I’m bored with all the stuff I’ve already done. Maybe a coach could customize something for me. They even touted not doing diets, but customizing to your genetics, lifestyle and preferences. My genetics? How did I not know this was a scam? Someone kill me.

Anyway, I signed up, and I tried to explain my food issues. My tendencies to be obsessive and extreme. That I didn’t want to track calories because of this. So he has me take pictures of my food, then starts asking about my food. So then I get into this disordered eating shame space and try not to eat at all. I was miserable. Tired, frustrated because I knew I’d broken my resolution and spent this money and was ready to quit, and hungry. I was fucking hungry.

Called my mom. She told me to eat whatever I want. Then tell the coach I did and this isn’t working.

So I did.

It was like I’d talk and talk about my issues but he never seemed to “get” it. He’d prescribe workouts that were boring and slow progress and I could do them but they were so basic. After I’d said I was burnt out with weight lifting but whenhe asked if I could try again. Yeah, I can try whatever. I guess I paid for you. But the fitness was supposed to fit my interests. This wasn’t interesting. And the one thing I was enjoying, I now wasn’t doing to fit in these uninspired workouts. Did I have time to walk? Sure. But I was so overwhelmed with the eating situation, I didn’t want to walk. Or workout. And I wanted my money back.

And he wanted to check in though chat.

I did finally negotiate quick weekly calls. Only they were during work. I don’t want to meet during work. I don’t have an office. I have to go sit in my car because I’m not talking about diet and exercise and how I feel in a shared space. Only every single call i was on time, and he was late. Not like hours late. But five or ten minutes late. So I am sitting in my car for my entire lunch break WAITING for him to call. And then he’d say pretty basic stuff. I thought, well, maybe this is like therapy. People say therapists say the most obvious stuff. But it never helped. I still hated “reporting” my food to him, and now my head was in the “on or off” diet mode and if I was off, I was binging, and if I was on, I was starving. Which, by the way, I finally quit this mess in, I believe November, and I am STILL in this mode and can not get out of it. To say I’m full of regret is an understatement. I’ve gained fifteen pounds since then. I had to buy some bigger clothes. I’m miserable at this size.

And all I can think is, “If I had just kept doing what I was doing, I would have been fine,” why do we think we need help? We don’t. These coaches give us the very basic advice, only they don’t know us, and don’t really seem to want to. They give us workouts that are either easy to get going and don’t challenge you, or are way too hard. And have you do all of this pre-work – videos, answer questions, etc., then don’t really seem to do anything with that information. I know that walking is working, so I continue. That’s my only plan. To walk 2-4 miles 5-7 days a week. If I want to ride a bike instead, I will. Go to a cycle class, I do instead. Add in some weights, I do. Dance instead of walking because it’s raining? Great! Hit up kickboxing? Sounds fun today! Maybe I want to lift once or twice a week, so I do. Maybe some weeks I don’t left at all. If I want to go for a bike ride, I do.

I now appreciate my body’s capabilities. I try to challenge it some days, and other, enjoy the simplicity of the walk.

As for eating? I think partly it’s tied to the depression of the weight gain. I put on the workout clothes I bought this time lest year and the loose fighting stuff doesn’t fall as flatteringly. The leggings are too tight in the waist. My work clothes are less flattering. And I remind myself I’m not what I look like. And my value doesn’t come from my weight. And I keep saying it. And some days I eat fast food three times a day. Others, I crave steamed broccoli, chicken and roasted potatoes. I’m trying to be patient. To slowly get back where I was. To listen to ME because I was on the right path before, and I lost it by making someone else’s uneducated opinion a priority over mine.

I still have some nagging injuries I’m working on. But even those are slowly improving now. I try to say I don’t regret it because I’ve learned. Now I know:

1. Diets are only short term successful for me. If I want to think about my lifetime, I will NEVER go on a diet again. Ever. No matter what.

2. A coach doesn’t know me better than me. I’ve been doing this health stuff for nearly twenty years. I know my body, my needs, my brain better than anyone.

3. No matter what I look like, I’m worthy of love, acceptance and success. And if I never lose another pound, that’s ok.

4. I can be the best version of me at this weight I can be. Someone who is active, capable, strong, independent and compassionate with myself! And being the best me isn’t a destination. It is endless. I will stay active today, tomorrow, forever. Only goal is to keep moving.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Diet : Education Versus Snobbery

In my long (and by long I mean endlessly tiring) quest to finding the best eating and workout plan for me, to improve my health and hopefully ultimately my body, I’ve been down a long path the past two years. It all started with a high triglyceride number on an annual cholesterol test. My doctor starts talking about medicine since heart disease runs in the family, and I’m all, “Is there anything different I should be doing with my diet?” And she says, “No. You’re eating fruits and vegetables. Lean meats. And lots of healthy whole grains. That’s the best we can expect out of anyone. Some people, despite their best efforts, end up with high cholesterol numbers because of genetics.”

I didn’t buy it. And after a little bit of research online, I realized triglycerides are tied to carbs. And one doctor approached this by restricting carbs per day and per meal, much like a diabetic restricts sugar per day and per meal. It sounded easy enough. Only I was eating SO MANY carbs. And they were all “healthy” carbs. Whole grains – whole wheat flour, whole wheat bread, homemade whole wheat bread, whole grain crackers, whole wheat tortillas, brown rice. You name it, if it was “whole” or “brown” or whatever the “less processed” version of a food was, I ate it! I had to develop a taste for whole wheat over time, but I found I actually preferred it. And so easy to replace unhealthy flours with the healthy ones. And I could have all kinds of foods!

Only that’s not really healthy.

I’m speaking for myself only, as I think some people CAN eat all of these carbs and be perfectly healthy in weight and in blood work. I honestly believe there’s no perfect diet for everyone.

But, I decided with potential free test on the horizon, I was going to stick to this plan as best I could for two months. It was hard. Really hard. I was surprised how hard it was. But my blood work comes back. Everything’s normal! I had hopes of bringing my triglycerides close to the upper tier of “well, not really healthy, but OK” of 150. But I was actually below the 100 threshold. My triglycerides were in the 60s. I almost fell over when I read it.

And that’s it. That’s all it took! I was hooked on food as a medicine. Food as a cure. And more negatively, food as the cause of health problems. All of them. No, seriously.

I mean, I don’t shun chemotherapy. Or bypass surgery. Or anything like that. If you need it, you need it. But for me, the doctor was ready to prescribe a medicine. A medicine, likely with lots of side effects. I was flabbergasted. I’d even asked about diet, and she flippantly said nothing would fix it. She didn’t even give me a chance to try!

At the time, my diet was to simply stay under 50g (yes, FIFTY, and it was HARD!) of carbs per meal. These days my goal is to keep my daily limit under 100. 80 is preferable. With no more than 30g per meal. But that’s how progress works. Now it’s hard to imagine not keeping a meal under 50g of carbs. I’m not even sure how I got that many carbs in each meal (and snacks, too!). There are days I’ll come out less than 50g of carbs for the entire day! But it’s funny how your mind, body and people around you (often times more reluctantly!) will adapt as you adapt.

That said, if I’m talking to someone who was in my position about 1 ½ years ago, should I be like, “Well, I stay under 80g of carbs per day, easily.” That’s not really fair. And to act like they’re a failure for not doing it cold turkey is downright mean. But I see it everyday on the Internet. People who say you need to be eating more animal/fish protein, but it all needs to be organic/pastured/grass-fed/wild-caught, etc. Why not just start with getting someone to work more protein in their diet in lieu of some of the less-nutritious things. In fact, why not start from that perspective? Point out that grains have very little nutrients in them. And in many cases, those nutrients are fortified (meaning added, so not naturally part of the food). Why not start there. And then talk about the nutrients in, for example, red meat? From there, a person will realize there are more/better nutrients in grass-fed meat. And beyond that, they’ll start to see how different parts of the cow (bones and organs) are this untapped, cost-effective resource for not only getting protein, but tons of other nutrients. It doesn’t have to be all at once. And it especially doesn’t have to be elitist.

That’s the problem I see with most message boards. People are so rude. “Why are you eating conventional meat at all? Don’t you know it’s bad for you?” Um, is it really bad? Or is it actually better than the sandwich they used to eat? For me, I spent a lot of time with conventional meats, learning recipes that weren’t carb-based. I loved enchiladas and sanchos. And I loved soups with noodles. And potatoes. FOR ME, I found out, after eliminating it, that I have an intolerance to gluten. Does that mean I can’t ever have it? No, but it’s one of those things I TRY to eat less often.

And does that mean because it bothers me it bothers everyone? No! In fact, some people might be bothered by dairy (I’m not). Or eggs (I am, unfortunately). Or nuts (I’m not!). Every body is different, and every owner of that body has to do the work to find the right mix to nourish it without pissing it off.

But so many people think their diet is right. They think the amount of carbs they eat is perfect. They think their oatmeal for breakfast is magic for everyone. They think sour cream is evil across the board. The truth is, everyone’s body digests differently, and likes and dislikes different things.

I feel like food is to the inside of the body what clothes are to the outside. Sure, you and I might be the same height and weight and you can pull off leggings and tall boots, but I can’t. Or you might be able to put on that dress that fits you perfect, but it doesn’t flatter me at all. However, this pair of jeans and this shirt look fantastic on me, and you’re all, “Really? Ew.”

This isn’t the Sisterhood of the Traveling Diet.

And people pretending it is, is absurd.

Stop being jerks. And stop assuming your body is everyone else’s. Let them travel their own journey. Give them things to consider or things to try. Give them a way to test themselves or to work away from something they’re avoiding. But don’t be the asshole who derails them all together, telling them that because something doesn’t work for you it isn’t for them.

Here’s my experience. I’ve been trying for over a year to lose weight. During that time, I actually GAINED weight. I felt like I was eating the same amount of calories the whole time. And was so frustrated. I have some weird stuff going on that’s either an auto-immune response or a full on auto-immune disease. I’m not sure which, and am not sure a diagnosis will matter, honestly. If it’s a full-on disease, there’s no cure, and the meds they’d give don’t generally work. I’m not going to die or sustain anything permanent by going on my own path. I also have displayed some signs of insulin resistance.

In my studying and researching and obsessing, I kept coming back to a “moderately low-carb diet” as potentially helpful with weight loss with an auto-immune disease. And specifically helping heal from insulin resistance.

And what do you know? I reduce carbs, and slowly (VERY SLOWLY) the weight finally starts to drop. Same number of calories. But the weight is finally moving in the right direction. I was so elated I wanted to scream it from the rooftops! But then I realized, this isn’t going to be the same for everyone. Plus, the journey I took to get here is so much more helpful and long-term than simply having someone say, “Restrict your calories to less than 80 per day.” And I wouldn’t have realized peppers and eggs were “trigger foods” for me. And I wouldn’t know that gluten does affect digestion and how I feel. So along with moderately low-carb, I also have to avoid those foods to see progress. No one could have told me that.

And if someone comes along and tells me, “Bread doesn’t hurt you.” Or, “That’s absurd. No way you’re have an intolerance to peppers/eggs.” I know they’re assholes. Living in their own world. With their own experiences.

This is your body. Unique as a little snowflake. Figure out what it needs. And don’t let someone along the way push you off your own path. After all, they don’t live in your body. And they probably don’t care about anyone except their ego anyway!